This past weekend the group went to a ranch outside of the city. It was a wonderful day and many great memories were made. One that sticks out in my mind particularly isn't necessarily a warm and fuzzy one, in fact it is totally opposite. You may wonder why I would write about the memory with the least amount of joy? It is a bit ironic, why not choose any of the light hearted funny or plain old silly stories? Because those are not the stories that I will remember looking back and be able to see the effect they had on my life.
Here is the scene: the whole group is sitting at the table, eating delicious beef and other meats. We have been laughing and enjoying the nature around. Watching all the other tourist groups in the room and hearing their accent was super funny. It was great to be in a room full of tourists, it was a relief. Everyone was on the same playing field, our group didn't stick out as obviously forieghn. All of this may sound silly to anyone reading, but the attention the group easily gathers in the city is not always positive. Nothing has ever come of it, but it is a reality that we are aware of everywhere we go. So sitting at this table and being able to let down our gaurd and be silly was a great blessing. Right as the beef is coming, the main meat most people have been waiting for, we hear a scream and a crash. Little Camilla has fallen backwards out of the Highchair and Miranda is keeping to catch her. (Miranda and Jonathan are our project directors and Camilla and Casia are their precious month and a half twins) needless to say, this family is an important heart of the project and everyone just stopped. The room eventually went back to normal noise level but our group was in shock. We were praying and trying to see from a distance if she was ok. You know you are a family when one member gals and they are all waiting and doing all they can to help. All was well, miss Camilla was fine and the day went on.
God is good and he protects those who love him. He gives comfort and brings relief. These are all truths that are well known, but rarely relief on unless in a situation that brings them out. This was one where everyone was thankful and was reminded of how much God cares for us. It also made the idea of fear become an event that could come to pass. This is a thought that is not comforting, not something to dwell on. Which we did not do, we co tongued on with the day in rememberence with what could have happened nd with thankfulness it didn't.
The next time it was brought up was at Sunday night business meeting(where we go over our week and discuss the next-all the logistical detailed that aren't fun but imperative). Jonathan, who has a calm Californian attitude and is level headed in most situations, apologized for not acting in that manner the day before. I though of how honest it was of him to do so but also how it was his natural reaction, I wasn't going to hold it against him. But he continued to speak and first brought up fear. Fear: an emotion of dread or alarm caused by danger. Jonathan said that fear is a human emotion, something we canot escape. But like all things: they can either bring you closer to God or push you further away. And be talked about the importance of giving our fears to God constantly. If we entertain them, we can create a fantasy reality that holds us captive and may keep us from striving to our greatest potential.
"A wise man fears the LORD and shuns evil, but a fool is hotheaded and reckless. A quick tempered man does foolish things, and a crafty man is hated./ he who fears the LORD has a secure fortress, and for his children it will be a refuge. These of the LORD is the fountain of life, turning a man from the snares of death." Provervs 14:16-17/26-27
This brought me deeper into the idea of healthy and unhealthy fear. Fear of the world and how it had control over our lives is destructive and debilitating. Fear of a holy and living God who works for the good of those who love him only bring life. And giving unhealthy fear to him opens our eyes to his protecting hands. This is something I often forget, something that I needed to be reminded of. It made me evaluate my life and fears that I may be holding onto. Are there fears in your life that you are not allowing God to control?
Which led into Jonathan's next point: that his wife and his children were not his possessions but Gods that are blessings in his life to enjoy. Something in my soul lurched a little when I heard this. Immediately the thought of what I own is defineately mine surfaces. But everything is the Lords and it is in my life to steward for his glory. This thought rocked my world in all honesty. Nothing in my life identified with this point, but the idea of a possible marriage and children in the future did. Would I view my family in that manner or would I become a fool fighting to control what I thought I had a right to?
"Then he said to them," watch out! Be on guard against all kind of greed; a man's life does not consist in the abundance of his possessions." Luke 12:15
Bringing me to my last point: human nature. This is something we all share, so we are never alone with struggles in this area. A common wrong thought or forgotten truth is this: we all have the same nature. People idolize celebrities, criticize those with control of much power, critique those who stand and teach us, constantly elevate people and put them on pedals tools in our mind. If you have never done this, then you are inhuman. For me in this situation, I forgot that Jonathan and Moranda struggle with just as much sin as I do. In my head I would recognize that as truth but in reality it wasn't so solid. But the reality that everyone sins and falls short of the glory of God(Romans 3:23) came sliding into my mind. Everyone struggles, just on a different level or in a different area. That is why being in a body is so important, because the strengths and weaknesses combined are what makes it what it is.
Something that has been sitting in my thoughts recently is how we are innately human, so we cannot deny our human nature. But through Christs death on the cross, actively putting our faith in him as savior and receiving the holy spirit gives us a new birth. It means that we as children of God are no longer slaves to sin and the natural wickedness of our physical bodies. Our brokenness was covered with the healing love of Christ, allowing us to come in direct contact with the father. I say all of this to go back to my initial thoughts that it was natural for Jonathan to have fear when his daughter fell. But I was negating in my mind the importance, the necessity, to bring it immediately to God and seek his eternal perspective.
Yes, this was the moment in the day where we were all tempted to yield to our human natures instead of giving our feelings to God. Yes it was the moment of that Saturday where time stood still and our hearts stopped in knowing that things could go incredibly wrong. But it is the moment that taught me most about my brokenness and my need to constantly seek the overflowing love of the father. It was the moment that taught me the most and I will remember years later. It was the moment that held the most eternal purpose and glory.
"To you, O LORD, I lift my soul; in you I trust, O my God. Do not let me be pit to shame, nor let my enemies triumph over me. No one whose hope is in you will ever be put to shame, but they will be put to shame who ate treacherous without excuse." psalm 25:1-3
Lord, I thank you for your word and your truth. For being a sting fortress of where I can co dude rely put my trust. Be abuse of your infinite love and promise through the cross, my soul rests in your plan and constant leading of my life. God I ask that you continue to teach me what it looks like to fear you and not the world. Please remind me that your power always overcomes the schemes of this earth and that I am protected as your child. I thank you for your son and your want to see me avoid shame. Amen.
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