In relation to project being over, many would assume I would end this blog. Lets first look at the word longevity, which is the length of someones life or the length of service. Then time span cover the idea of how long something last. There are two forms of time span thought, the literal how long you were doing the action and the less obvious how long that action/event is affecting you. Well I am going to be focusing on the latter.
Yes project is physically over, but the work and service that was done there created relationships and lesson that will need to be learned. In the last blog, I talked about lessons I was still learning a year later. Chicago was a long long time ago, but it is a part of me forever. It shaped who I was in many ways, many ways that got reshaped and further molded in Buenos Aires. So it only makes sense that these past six weeks would follow the same trajectory. The same path of effect on my life and how it would be changed from project.
The longevity of this experience will never leave me, but obviously I am not going to continue this blog for forever. It does mean that as I process through the end of project, fill in some gaps from the beginning and focus on how transition is hitting me; that this blog will continue. So keep your eyes ready for some of the ways God used experiences to continue to grow me and shape me into the woman He planned.
Sunday, July 1, 2012
Saturday, June 30, 2012
Complacency and Self Dependence
I haven't even done for the end of project and the last two weeks, which were spectacular in so many ways. But that will be in the near future. It has been a week since I have been back and have fallen into a kinda lazy schedule of not dealing with the end of project tasks that need to be dealt with.
One thing I remember about last project was that I felt like I deserved a break because I had been moving and serving the Lord so much. That statement is obviously selfish and pointed to the issues I needed to be dealing with then. Also, I had just started a year of intentional singleness before returning home. All of this will make sense when I revisit it later. I was realizing and learning at the end of project that comfort and having time to rest and relax were opportunities is expected or even felt I deserved. None of this is true, I deserve nothing but Jesus came and paid the price of my sin and brought me to a place where I could live an abutment life. Reference Romans 6:23" The wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life." I knew this was what I would be dealing with when I returned back to the states. I keep repeating it to show how obvious it was to me but has fallen by the wayside so easily.
The reason is because of lack of prayer. On project we prayed together as a team, campus groups, and ect. I prayed by myself because it was fresh on my mind how much I needed God and his strength. But here in this place of relaxation and comfort, my mind wants to go on autopilot. It isn't obvious that I need God to sit on a beach and figure out what I need to make my lunch. So therefor, my prayer life of not being diligent on keeping my sight on an eternal perspective has been obvious my first week back. Even when I have taken time to put myself in his word or in contact with him, it has made the world of difference.
In saying all of that, conviction is never easy to realize or admit. That as a prayer leader this summer and a person who would be willing to tell anyone about the power of real prayer to God has been struggling with keeping a faithful prayer life. Which had immediately led to me not being observant with behavior I did not want to fall into. Nothing serious in the eyes of men, situations that most would excuse. But sin is sin and God is a just God. In one of my friends blogs, she wrote about how he is forgiving but he also calls us to be obedient to what he has commanded. I don't want to requote it because she did such a great job. To check it out, look at http://jibberjabberdede.blogspot.com. Anyway, God is calling me to be obedient in the small things. This is how he will continue to build up and trust me with the big things.
Some days I even wonder why I am allowed to experience the blessed life I do when I constantly let God down. But it is not how I feel about myself but about what he says about me in his word. And that is that I am fearfully and wonderfully made(Psalm 139) and that he gave his son for the world(John 3:16). So even on days when I feel unworthy, I know that my heavenly father says that is untrue and that he is using me for a reason. I need to yeild to him and forgo my human nature of sin so that I can be fully used.
Quickly, back to the idea that I deserved a break and starting a year of singleness. That was about a year a go, give or take. Looking back I see how much God has moved in those areas. Areas I did not see him moving in or expect to learn from. And with my year of singleness, email me if you have questions on what that is, that I am in a totally different position coming off this project than the last one. I am seeing some lessons come full circle and that is so encouraging. Even though I have screwed up more times than you can count, continually going to him has brought me through so many battles I thought I would never win.
Finishing up, even though I am struggling through wanting to just chill and relax through my days and not continually be in a conscious mood of going to God; he is faithfully waiting for me. It is not my struggles that define me, but how I handle them. It is not the world or people that define me, but the accepting of the sacrifice of Christ's blood covering mine that does. If is not how I feel about myself or the world around me that defines me, but the word of God and who it says I am and how I am supposed to act toward the world around me.
One thing I remember about last project was that I felt like I deserved a break because I had been moving and serving the Lord so much. That statement is obviously selfish and pointed to the issues I needed to be dealing with then. Also, I had just started a year of intentional singleness before returning home. All of this will make sense when I revisit it later. I was realizing and learning at the end of project that comfort and having time to rest and relax were opportunities is expected or even felt I deserved. None of this is true, I deserve nothing but Jesus came and paid the price of my sin and brought me to a place where I could live an abutment life. Reference Romans 6:23" The wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life." I knew this was what I would be dealing with when I returned back to the states. I keep repeating it to show how obvious it was to me but has fallen by the wayside so easily.
The reason is because of lack of prayer. On project we prayed together as a team, campus groups, and ect. I prayed by myself because it was fresh on my mind how much I needed God and his strength. But here in this place of relaxation and comfort, my mind wants to go on autopilot. It isn't obvious that I need God to sit on a beach and figure out what I need to make my lunch. So therefor, my prayer life of not being diligent on keeping my sight on an eternal perspective has been obvious my first week back. Even when I have taken time to put myself in his word or in contact with him, it has made the world of difference.
In saying all of that, conviction is never easy to realize or admit. That as a prayer leader this summer and a person who would be willing to tell anyone about the power of real prayer to God has been struggling with keeping a faithful prayer life. Which had immediately led to me not being observant with behavior I did not want to fall into. Nothing serious in the eyes of men, situations that most would excuse. But sin is sin and God is a just God. In one of my friends blogs, she wrote about how he is forgiving but he also calls us to be obedient to what he has commanded. I don't want to requote it because she did such a great job. To check it out, look at http://jibberjabberdede.blogspot.com. Anyway, God is calling me to be obedient in the small things. This is how he will continue to build up and trust me with the big things.
Some days I even wonder why I am allowed to experience the blessed life I do when I constantly let God down. But it is not how I feel about myself but about what he says about me in his word. And that is that I am fearfully and wonderfully made(Psalm 139) and that he gave his son for the world(John 3:16). So even on days when I feel unworthy, I know that my heavenly father says that is untrue and that he is using me for a reason. I need to yeild to him and forgo my human nature of sin so that I can be fully used.
Quickly, back to the idea that I deserved a break and starting a year of singleness. That was about a year a go, give or take. Looking back I see how much God has moved in those areas. Areas I did not see him moving in or expect to learn from. And with my year of singleness, email me if you have questions on what that is, that I am in a totally different position coming off this project than the last one. I am seeing some lessons come full circle and that is so encouraging. Even though I have screwed up more times than you can count, continually going to him has brought me through so many battles I thought I would never win.
Finishing up, even though I am struggling through wanting to just chill and relax through my days and not continually be in a conscious mood of going to God; he is faithfully waiting for me. It is not my struggles that define me, but how I handle them. It is not the world or people that define me, but the accepting of the sacrifice of Christ's blood covering mine that does. If is not how I feel about myself or the world around me that defines me, but the word of God and who it says I am and how I am supposed to act toward the world around me.
Thursday, June 14, 2012
Fighting the Good Fight
Have you ever heard the phrase "fighting the good fight?" what does that mean? Isn't fighting by nature a violent action that would put it in a negative category? Aren't Christians supposed to be loving and fill the world with feel good vibes? Is fighting the good fight going along with every situation to fill it with love? Does it become good when only happiness is the result? What happens is only one side is happy, is it a good or bad fight? What is fighting the good fight? Have you ever definded it in your own life?
Before this I have never taken the time to sit down and think it out, I have never worked through the thought process. Begininng with the definition: fighting-1 fit to fight. 2 tending or meant to stir up a fight or hostility. Fight: 1 a battle or combat. 2 any contest or struggle: a fight for recovery from an illness. 3 an angry argument or disagreement. So the basic idea is engaging in some form of action that is inherately negative.
Society has mixed opinions. It is good to have personal beliefs and to stand up for them. Go individuality! But it is bad if your beliefs offend another faction or tell them they are wrong because everyone has the right to be right in todays world. If everyone has the right to be right, then it is relative to say to someone that they are wrong. Basically society thinks it is great to have an opinion but to not effect others with it. If relativity is the name of the game, then where is the truth in that. If a person truly believes in societies definition, then how can they tell you anything is right or wrong? How do they know if what they are fighting for is good if there is no scale to mesure it by?
What use is that? Why have a mind if you aren't going to share it? Why think about ideas if they are not going to be shared to contribute to growth? Were we put on this earth to exist by ourselves on function in a bubble? No, we were created as social people who would go mentally crazy without imput from other human beings. Without another person to share thoughts with, then they would never take root or become a manifestation to help the world. If Einstein had never shared the idea of light and kept it in his bubble, would we have the system of electricity?
Science, the exploration of the world and the things in it, goes about doing this by continually searching and trying to find out new things or take the things we already know deeper for the good of man. Science does all of its efforts for the advancement of human beings. So where does the discovery of atomic bombs fit into this equation? What about modern medicine that keeps people alive for a number of years in pain?
Before you get thinking one way, I am not knocking modern medicine. It does wonderful things, it saves lifes. But in the process of doing so it harms some as well. The atomic bomb also saved the lives of soldiers who might have died if the war continued, but it devastated not only the lives but the ecosystem of a country as well. All of this is human development, all of these inventions are run by human power. We are always trying to reach perfection, always trying to get to the next best thing. No matter how hard we try, we always end up short.
Society takes a relative view on the subject, so why even fight? If fighting is an action that one does to bring one to their side but their is not one right or wrong, what is the point? Science continually seeks deeper and deeper to fix the worlds problems. They progress, but with every new discovery comes new problems. Why continue to seek good if every new discovery brings new bad? Humans seek perfection and fall every time, some spend their whole life working for a goal that is never accompished. What is the point of trying if you know that perfection is unatainable? Exploring all options that are feasible in the human mind get us no where, we are no closer to answering the question.
Lets peek at the bible. Expicitely is has no answers. There is no verse that says fighgting the good fight means a b and c. But the bible does say what fighting the good is not. It does say love your neighbor as yourself. Which would mean that any action that if not out of love towards your neighbor is not good. The bible says that we should honor the lord our God. In fact it says we should not test the Lord our God. So any action that goes against God would not fall into this category. Those are just a few examples.
Lets dig into one in particular: sin. Sin is missing the mark. It is an archery term that refers to the arrow not hitting the bulls eye. No matter if the arrow misses the target completely or lands on the ring outside of the circle in the middle, a man would yell SIN. It mean that the archer had missed the mark, he had not obtained perfection. So it was previously mentioned that we should honor the lord our God, so sin would obviously not fit in this category. The bible also says that all sin and fall short of the glory of God, how can man then live a life pleasing to God? How can man be good?
He can't, in his nature he cannot be good. But that is where the role of Jesus comes in. Perfect in life, fully man and fully god, he died on a cross for our sins. He took the wages of death, the payment for spiritual seperation from the father, on the cross. This action allows us to come into the presence of God, perfect and holy. It allows us to have unending acsess to the middle of the target. Thus allowing man to seen as good in God's eyes.
How does this relate to fighting the good fight? First there needs to be good in the equation, and that is through Jesus. The fight is living a life pleasing to the father. He clearly spells out in the bible what are not acceptable ways of living. By cementing the black and the white, it clearly shows where the grey is. The grey being each individual caracter. Every person that was created unique with his own purpose. How does he know what is good? The bible clearly states that God judges the motivation of mans heart and that he see the effort that are for his glory. This means different things to different people. Parents have a calling to raise godly children. Students have a calling to honor God with their acadmeics. Each fight is different.
Fighting the good fight is fighting sin and living every moment to shine the light of God and not man. It is relying fully on Christ and not the broken nature inside of us. It is knowing how to discern between truth and lies. It is continuing to apply fact to what we know to already be true. It is continuing to live in a world that is dark and draining and seeking to shine an eternal light.
Before this I have never taken the time to sit down and think it out, I have never worked through the thought process. Begininng with the definition: fighting-1 fit to fight. 2 tending or meant to stir up a fight or hostility. Fight: 1 a battle or combat. 2 any contest or struggle: a fight for recovery from an illness. 3 an angry argument or disagreement. So the basic idea is engaging in some form of action that is inherately negative.
Society has mixed opinions. It is good to have personal beliefs and to stand up for them. Go individuality! But it is bad if your beliefs offend another faction or tell them they are wrong because everyone has the right to be right in todays world. If everyone has the right to be right, then it is relative to say to someone that they are wrong. Basically society thinks it is great to have an opinion but to not effect others with it. If relativity is the name of the game, then where is the truth in that. If a person truly believes in societies definition, then how can they tell you anything is right or wrong? How do they know if what they are fighting for is good if there is no scale to mesure it by?
What use is that? Why have a mind if you aren't going to share it? Why think about ideas if they are not going to be shared to contribute to growth? Were we put on this earth to exist by ourselves on function in a bubble? No, we were created as social people who would go mentally crazy without imput from other human beings. Without another person to share thoughts with, then they would never take root or become a manifestation to help the world. If Einstein had never shared the idea of light and kept it in his bubble, would we have the system of electricity?
Science, the exploration of the world and the things in it, goes about doing this by continually searching and trying to find out new things or take the things we already know deeper for the good of man. Science does all of its efforts for the advancement of human beings. So where does the discovery of atomic bombs fit into this equation? What about modern medicine that keeps people alive for a number of years in pain?
Before you get thinking one way, I am not knocking modern medicine. It does wonderful things, it saves lifes. But in the process of doing so it harms some as well. The atomic bomb also saved the lives of soldiers who might have died if the war continued, but it devastated not only the lives but the ecosystem of a country as well. All of this is human development, all of these inventions are run by human power. We are always trying to reach perfection, always trying to get to the next best thing. No matter how hard we try, we always end up short.
Society takes a relative view on the subject, so why even fight? If fighting is an action that one does to bring one to their side but their is not one right or wrong, what is the point? Science continually seeks deeper and deeper to fix the worlds problems. They progress, but with every new discovery comes new problems. Why continue to seek good if every new discovery brings new bad? Humans seek perfection and fall every time, some spend their whole life working for a goal that is never accompished. What is the point of trying if you know that perfection is unatainable? Exploring all options that are feasible in the human mind get us no where, we are no closer to answering the question.
Lets peek at the bible. Expicitely is has no answers. There is no verse that says fighgting the good fight means a b and c. But the bible does say what fighting the good is not. It does say love your neighbor as yourself. Which would mean that any action that if not out of love towards your neighbor is not good. The bible says that we should honor the lord our God. In fact it says we should not test the Lord our God. So any action that goes against God would not fall into this category. Those are just a few examples.
Lets dig into one in particular: sin. Sin is missing the mark. It is an archery term that refers to the arrow not hitting the bulls eye. No matter if the arrow misses the target completely or lands on the ring outside of the circle in the middle, a man would yell SIN. It mean that the archer had missed the mark, he had not obtained perfection. So it was previously mentioned that we should honor the lord our God, so sin would obviously not fit in this category. The bible also says that all sin and fall short of the glory of God, how can man then live a life pleasing to God? How can man be good?
He can't, in his nature he cannot be good. But that is where the role of Jesus comes in. Perfect in life, fully man and fully god, he died on a cross for our sins. He took the wages of death, the payment for spiritual seperation from the father, on the cross. This action allows us to come into the presence of God, perfect and holy. It allows us to have unending acsess to the middle of the target. Thus allowing man to seen as good in God's eyes.
How does this relate to fighting the good fight? First there needs to be good in the equation, and that is through Jesus. The fight is living a life pleasing to the father. He clearly spells out in the bible what are not acceptable ways of living. By cementing the black and the white, it clearly shows where the grey is. The grey being each individual caracter. Every person that was created unique with his own purpose. How does he know what is good? The bible clearly states that God judges the motivation of mans heart and that he see the effort that are for his glory. This means different things to different people. Parents have a calling to raise godly children. Students have a calling to honor God with their acadmeics. Each fight is different.
Fighting the good fight is fighting sin and living every moment to shine the light of God and not man. It is relying fully on Christ and not the broken nature inside of us. It is knowing how to discern between truth and lies. It is continuing to apply fact to what we know to already be true. It is continuing to live in a world that is dark and draining and seeking to shine an eternal light.
Wednesday, June 13, 2012
Have y'all seen my golden calf?
The beginning is a reference to a passage in Daniel 3 where Nebuchadnezzar set up a golden statue to be worshiped and three guys refused and were going to be thrown in the furnace because they were not going to dishonor God. Many people have heard this story, in fact multiple times. The initial church response is how dumb a golden idol is and how courageous the boys are. But that is not where I want to camp out. I have been particularly aware of idols in my life. Living in another culture will bring out those living standards that you have grown accustomed to and feel like you are entitled to. In general though, being in situations that are different show you where you cling to besides God.
What areas in your life might be idolitry? Honestly, what are some area that you think you deserve? A good way to test this is to consciously note the main things you complain about. This immediately will show you what you think you are owed from God. If you are open to complain why it wasn't immediately given to you, it is safe to say it was assumed in your mind that you were owed it. Now I understand this is not a subject you want to sit down and think about for fun. Hmmm let's think of the ways that I put the world in front of God, man I am so sinful. That is not an uplifting time, it is uncomfortable and we as humans naturally avoid that.
Since i elaborated on figuring out your idols, it should be known that that is what I have been learning. I would say that comfort is a big one in my life, or one that the united states in general could fall under. As mentioned earlier, being in a different country reveals many standards that I felt were owed to me that were in reality not. For example, having toilet paper and a clean functioning bathroom is a huge one. A majority of the times bathrooms here don't have toilet paper or they have one roll as you walk in. At first, I got frustrated because I didn't have my own roll at my own disposal. And the cleanliness of the bathrooms aren't great, but they are not bad. For a long time these conditions brought out deep frustration and annoyance. But we are not promised anything in the bible but Christ and the peace that comes with salvation. In other areas of my life, I began to see where I had an attitude that I deserved to be personally served and that my standards should be upheld. That I complained a lot about even the smallest things: having a 30 min crowded bus ride to and from places, the cold weather, not my normal style of clothes, a limited food selection, ect. All of this points to a crappy attitude. We are called to be thankful with all we are given. God provides when we need and that is what we should rest on. I am lucky to have transportation because it would take a long time to walk, I have to s of restraints to choose from and money to pay for my meal, plenty of clothes that get the job done, ect. A sermon from my church convicted me greatly of complaining and mentioned taking physical note of how much we do it.
Going back in time, I was extremely depressed my freshmen year in high school. The past year was the one that I had invited christ into my heart after deciding that suicide was not an option. There was a reason I was put on the earth and giving up before I had a chance to see what that was was not a choice. That is the first time I saw how wretched I was as a person, how naturally pessimistic and self serving my nature was. So I began to say three things I was thankful for for every negative comment. Let me say it was exhausting be abuse or was constant. But after time my thoughts began to naturally lean more towards the positive than the negative. That process took austin a full year and the excersise still continues every now and then.
My point is that I am called to be thankful for everything provided for me and trust Gods word. He talks about how he clothes the flowers in the field, how much more does he care to clothe me-his daughter? He provides the birds of the air food, how much more does he want to provide food for me-his servant? He want to give me the best, but j have to have open eyes.
If I have aware of God and how he is trying to work in my life, I will correctly be viewing my situations. Instead of seeing how cold it is, I will see how god provided warm clothes for me and that he commands me to help those less fortunate. When I can see how I am blessed, I can clearly see who is in my path that I can help.
How does this play into idolitry ones might say? It is the whole basis that creating a worldview on self comes from. The idea that we are owed something scews the vision of our sin. And it is particularly dangerous because these are processes that are hidden. A golden calf is extremely visible and it was something forced upon the people. Many of our idols are hidden and chosen. Look at the rise of realiance on food, youth, beauty, perfection, success, ect. All of these things are idols that people willingly chase, willing give their time and energy to. This is where it becomes the most dangerous: these three men were asked to not worship god and stood up with great strength. But we can't even maneuver away from sweets, sucsess or whatever. We are challenged regularly to give up our idols, but we don't even want to admit them.
You may ask why do I have the right to say this? Well I dont in light of my human nature, but because of the cross and the penalty of sin being by cross, I have been cleansed and can see where I need to grow. All the things I've said arexcobcepts that I have been learning and struggling through. Obviously it has been a process that had taken some time and truth in the word. For me, comfort has been something that has been a hard thing to grow through. The fact that I have held onto many situations that it is easier for me to rely on myself and not let God in to show me that he is there and ready to provide abundantly more. Instead of relying on the reason that I am where I am today, I choose to rely on my fallible self.
As this process has worked itself out, I have found freedom in putting my trust in the lord and seeing him come through everyday here. It has been so humbling to realize that it is by the grace of had that I get through all situations. Seeing him come through,providing above and beyond through a new culture, different language, strangers as team members, and a new city. It has shown me that comfort is not worth it, that true growth comes when one is outside of what they know. It is not about where you are going, but the journey it takes to get there.
"15 Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful. 16 Let the message of Christ dwell among you richly as you teach and admonish one another with all wisdom through psalms, hymns, and songs from the Spirit, singing to God with gratitude in your hearts. 17 And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him." Colossians 3:15-17
I pray that I am thankful in all situacions and that I am constantly reminded to look at my frustrations and complains through the eyes of the Lord. That I do not let worldly worries become idols. That I don't turn good things into God things, letting them then become bad. I pray that comfort is not something I cling to and that I am willing to follow the Lord without question whereever he ask. In his name, Amen.
What areas in your life might be idolitry? Honestly, what are some area that you think you deserve? A good way to test this is to consciously note the main things you complain about. This immediately will show you what you think you are owed from God. If you are open to complain why it wasn't immediately given to you, it is safe to say it was assumed in your mind that you were owed it. Now I understand this is not a subject you want to sit down and think about for fun. Hmmm let's think of the ways that I put the world in front of God, man I am so sinful. That is not an uplifting time, it is uncomfortable and we as humans naturally avoid that.
Since i elaborated on figuring out your idols, it should be known that that is what I have been learning. I would say that comfort is a big one in my life, or one that the united states in general could fall under. As mentioned earlier, being in a different country reveals many standards that I felt were owed to me that were in reality not. For example, having toilet paper and a clean functioning bathroom is a huge one. A majority of the times bathrooms here don't have toilet paper or they have one roll as you walk in. At first, I got frustrated because I didn't have my own roll at my own disposal. And the cleanliness of the bathrooms aren't great, but they are not bad. For a long time these conditions brought out deep frustration and annoyance. But we are not promised anything in the bible but Christ and the peace that comes with salvation. In other areas of my life, I began to see where I had an attitude that I deserved to be personally served and that my standards should be upheld. That I complained a lot about even the smallest things: having a 30 min crowded bus ride to and from places, the cold weather, not my normal style of clothes, a limited food selection, ect. All of this points to a crappy attitude. We are called to be thankful with all we are given. God provides when we need and that is what we should rest on. I am lucky to have transportation because it would take a long time to walk, I have to s of restraints to choose from and money to pay for my meal, plenty of clothes that get the job done, ect. A sermon from my church convicted me greatly of complaining and mentioned taking physical note of how much we do it.
Going back in time, I was extremely depressed my freshmen year in high school. The past year was the one that I had invited christ into my heart after deciding that suicide was not an option. There was a reason I was put on the earth and giving up before I had a chance to see what that was was not a choice. That is the first time I saw how wretched I was as a person, how naturally pessimistic and self serving my nature was. So I began to say three things I was thankful for for every negative comment. Let me say it was exhausting be abuse or was constant. But after time my thoughts began to naturally lean more towards the positive than the negative. That process took austin a full year and the excersise still continues every now and then.
My point is that I am called to be thankful for everything provided for me and trust Gods word. He talks about how he clothes the flowers in the field, how much more does he care to clothe me-his daughter? He provides the birds of the air food, how much more does he want to provide food for me-his servant? He want to give me the best, but j have to have open eyes.
If I have aware of God and how he is trying to work in my life, I will correctly be viewing my situations. Instead of seeing how cold it is, I will see how god provided warm clothes for me and that he commands me to help those less fortunate. When I can see how I am blessed, I can clearly see who is in my path that I can help.
How does this play into idolitry ones might say? It is the whole basis that creating a worldview on self comes from. The idea that we are owed something scews the vision of our sin. And it is particularly dangerous because these are processes that are hidden. A golden calf is extremely visible and it was something forced upon the people. Many of our idols are hidden and chosen. Look at the rise of realiance on food, youth, beauty, perfection, success, ect. All of these things are idols that people willingly chase, willing give their time and energy to. This is where it becomes the most dangerous: these three men were asked to not worship god and stood up with great strength. But we can't even maneuver away from sweets, sucsess or whatever. We are challenged regularly to give up our idols, but we don't even want to admit them.
You may ask why do I have the right to say this? Well I dont in light of my human nature, but because of the cross and the penalty of sin being by cross, I have been cleansed and can see where I need to grow. All the things I've said arexcobcepts that I have been learning and struggling through. Obviously it has been a process that had taken some time and truth in the word. For me, comfort has been something that has been a hard thing to grow through. The fact that I have held onto many situations that it is easier for me to rely on myself and not let God in to show me that he is there and ready to provide abundantly more. Instead of relying on the reason that I am where I am today, I choose to rely on my fallible self.
As this process has worked itself out, I have found freedom in putting my trust in the lord and seeing him come through everyday here. It has been so humbling to realize that it is by the grace of had that I get through all situations. Seeing him come through,providing above and beyond through a new culture, different language, strangers as team members, and a new city. It has shown me that comfort is not worth it, that true growth comes when one is outside of what they know. It is not about where you are going, but the journey it takes to get there.
"15 Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful. 16 Let the message of Christ dwell among you richly as you teach and admonish one another with all wisdom through psalms, hymns, and songs from the Spirit, singing to God with gratitude in your hearts. 17 And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him." Colossians 3:15-17
I pray that I am thankful in all situacions and that I am constantly reminded to look at my frustrations and complains through the eyes of the Lord. That I do not let worldly worries become idols. That I don't turn good things into God things, letting them then become bad. I pray that comfort is not something I cling to and that I am willing to follow the Lord without question whereever he ask. In his name, Amen.
Saturday, June 9, 2012
A Fall From A Highchair
This past weekend the group went to a ranch outside of the city. It was a wonderful day and many great memories were made. One that sticks out in my mind particularly isn't necessarily a warm and fuzzy one, in fact it is totally opposite. You may wonder why I would write about the memory with the least amount of joy? It is a bit ironic, why not choose any of the light hearted funny or plain old silly stories? Because those are not the stories that I will remember looking back and be able to see the effect they had on my life.
Here is the scene: the whole group is sitting at the table, eating delicious beef and other meats. We have been laughing and enjoying the nature around. Watching all the other tourist groups in the room and hearing their accent was super funny. It was great to be in a room full of tourists, it was a relief. Everyone was on the same playing field, our group didn't stick out as obviously forieghn. All of this may sound silly to anyone reading, but the attention the group easily gathers in the city is not always positive. Nothing has ever come of it, but it is a reality that we are aware of everywhere we go. So sitting at this table and being able to let down our gaurd and be silly was a great blessing. Right as the beef is coming, the main meat most people have been waiting for, we hear a scream and a crash. Little Camilla has fallen backwards out of the Highchair and Miranda is keeping to catch her. (Miranda and Jonathan are our project directors and Camilla and Casia are their precious month and a half twins) needless to say, this family is an important heart of the project and everyone just stopped. The room eventually went back to normal noise level but our group was in shock. We were praying and trying to see from a distance if she was ok. You know you are a family when one member gals and they are all waiting and doing all they can to help. All was well, miss Camilla was fine and the day went on.
God is good and he protects those who love him. He gives comfort and brings relief. These are all truths that are well known, but rarely relief on unless in a situation that brings them out. This was one where everyone was thankful and was reminded of how much God cares for us. It also made the idea of fear become an event that could come to pass. This is a thought that is not comforting, not something to dwell on. Which we did not do, we co tongued on with the day in rememberence with what could have happened nd with thankfulness it didn't.
The next time it was brought up was at Sunday night business meeting(where we go over our week and discuss the next-all the logistical detailed that aren't fun but imperative). Jonathan, who has a calm Californian attitude and is level headed in most situations, apologized for not acting in that manner the day before. I though of how honest it was of him to do so but also how it was his natural reaction, I wasn't going to hold it against him. But he continued to speak and first brought up fear. Fear: an emotion of dread or alarm caused by danger. Jonathan said that fear is a human emotion, something we canot escape. But like all things: they can either bring you closer to God or push you further away. And be talked about the importance of giving our fears to God constantly. If we entertain them, we can create a fantasy reality that holds us captive and may keep us from striving to our greatest potential.
"A wise man fears the LORD and shuns evil, but a fool is hotheaded and reckless. A quick tempered man does foolish things, and a crafty man is hated./ he who fears the LORD has a secure fortress, and for his children it will be a refuge. These of the LORD is the fountain of life, turning a man from the snares of death." Provervs 14:16-17/26-27
This brought me deeper into the idea of healthy and unhealthy fear. Fear of the world and how it had control over our lives is destructive and debilitating. Fear of a holy and living God who works for the good of those who love him only bring life. And giving unhealthy fear to him opens our eyes to his protecting hands. This is something I often forget, something that I needed to be reminded of. It made me evaluate my life and fears that I may be holding onto. Are there fears in your life that you are not allowing God to control?
Which led into Jonathan's next point: that his wife and his children were not his possessions but Gods that are blessings in his life to enjoy. Something in my soul lurched a little when I heard this. Immediately the thought of what I own is defineately mine surfaces. But everything is the Lords and it is in my life to steward for his glory. This thought rocked my world in all honesty. Nothing in my life identified with this point, but the idea of a possible marriage and children in the future did. Would I view my family in that manner or would I become a fool fighting to control what I thought I had a right to?
"Then he said to them," watch out! Be on guard against all kind of greed; a man's life does not consist in the abundance of his possessions." Luke 12:15
Bringing me to my last point: human nature. This is something we all share, so we are never alone with struggles in this area. A common wrong thought or forgotten truth is this: we all have the same nature. People idolize celebrities, criticize those with control of much power, critique those who stand and teach us, constantly elevate people and put them on pedals tools in our mind. If you have never done this, then you are inhuman. For me in this situation, I forgot that Jonathan and Moranda struggle with just as much sin as I do. In my head I would recognize that as truth but in reality it wasn't so solid. But the reality that everyone sins and falls short of the glory of God(Romans 3:23) came sliding into my mind. Everyone struggles, just on a different level or in a different area. That is why being in a body is so important, because the strengths and weaknesses combined are what makes it what it is.
Something that has been sitting in my thoughts recently is how we are innately human, so we cannot deny our human nature. But through Christs death on the cross, actively putting our faith in him as savior and receiving the holy spirit gives us a new birth. It means that we as children of God are no longer slaves to sin and the natural wickedness of our physical bodies. Our brokenness was covered with the healing love of Christ, allowing us to come in direct contact with the father. I say all of this to go back to my initial thoughts that it was natural for Jonathan to have fear when his daughter fell. But I was negating in my mind the importance, the necessity, to bring it immediately to God and seek his eternal perspective.
Yes, this was the moment in the day where we were all tempted to yield to our human natures instead of giving our feelings to God. Yes it was the moment of that Saturday where time stood still and our hearts stopped in knowing that things could go incredibly wrong. But it is the moment that taught me most about my brokenness and my need to constantly seek the overflowing love of the father. It was the moment that taught me the most and I will remember years later. It was the moment that held the most eternal purpose and glory.
"To you, O LORD, I lift my soul; in you I trust, O my God. Do not let me be pit to shame, nor let my enemies triumph over me. No one whose hope is in you will ever be put to shame, but they will be put to shame who ate treacherous without excuse." psalm 25:1-3
Lord, I thank you for your word and your truth. For being a sting fortress of where I can co dude rely put my trust. Be abuse of your infinite love and promise through the cross, my soul rests in your plan and constant leading of my life. God I ask that you continue to teach me what it looks like to fear you and not the world. Please remind me that your power always overcomes the schemes of this earth and that I am protected as your child. I thank you for your son and your want to see me avoid shame. Amen.
Here is the scene: the whole group is sitting at the table, eating delicious beef and other meats. We have been laughing and enjoying the nature around. Watching all the other tourist groups in the room and hearing their accent was super funny. It was great to be in a room full of tourists, it was a relief. Everyone was on the same playing field, our group didn't stick out as obviously forieghn. All of this may sound silly to anyone reading, but the attention the group easily gathers in the city is not always positive. Nothing has ever come of it, but it is a reality that we are aware of everywhere we go. So sitting at this table and being able to let down our gaurd and be silly was a great blessing. Right as the beef is coming, the main meat most people have been waiting for, we hear a scream and a crash. Little Camilla has fallen backwards out of the Highchair and Miranda is keeping to catch her. (Miranda and Jonathan are our project directors and Camilla and Casia are their precious month and a half twins) needless to say, this family is an important heart of the project and everyone just stopped. The room eventually went back to normal noise level but our group was in shock. We were praying and trying to see from a distance if she was ok. You know you are a family when one member gals and they are all waiting and doing all they can to help. All was well, miss Camilla was fine and the day went on.
God is good and he protects those who love him. He gives comfort and brings relief. These are all truths that are well known, but rarely relief on unless in a situation that brings them out. This was one where everyone was thankful and was reminded of how much God cares for us. It also made the idea of fear become an event that could come to pass. This is a thought that is not comforting, not something to dwell on. Which we did not do, we co tongued on with the day in rememberence with what could have happened nd with thankfulness it didn't.
The next time it was brought up was at Sunday night business meeting(where we go over our week and discuss the next-all the logistical detailed that aren't fun but imperative). Jonathan, who has a calm Californian attitude and is level headed in most situations, apologized for not acting in that manner the day before. I though of how honest it was of him to do so but also how it was his natural reaction, I wasn't going to hold it against him. But he continued to speak and first brought up fear. Fear: an emotion of dread or alarm caused by danger. Jonathan said that fear is a human emotion, something we canot escape. But like all things: they can either bring you closer to God or push you further away. And be talked about the importance of giving our fears to God constantly. If we entertain them, we can create a fantasy reality that holds us captive and may keep us from striving to our greatest potential.
"A wise man fears the LORD and shuns evil, but a fool is hotheaded and reckless. A quick tempered man does foolish things, and a crafty man is hated./ he who fears the LORD has a secure fortress, and for his children it will be a refuge. These of the LORD is the fountain of life, turning a man from the snares of death." Provervs 14:16-17/26-27
This brought me deeper into the idea of healthy and unhealthy fear. Fear of the world and how it had control over our lives is destructive and debilitating. Fear of a holy and living God who works for the good of those who love him only bring life. And giving unhealthy fear to him opens our eyes to his protecting hands. This is something I often forget, something that I needed to be reminded of. It made me evaluate my life and fears that I may be holding onto. Are there fears in your life that you are not allowing God to control?
Which led into Jonathan's next point: that his wife and his children were not his possessions but Gods that are blessings in his life to enjoy. Something in my soul lurched a little when I heard this. Immediately the thought of what I own is defineately mine surfaces. But everything is the Lords and it is in my life to steward for his glory. This thought rocked my world in all honesty. Nothing in my life identified with this point, but the idea of a possible marriage and children in the future did. Would I view my family in that manner or would I become a fool fighting to control what I thought I had a right to?
"Then he said to them," watch out! Be on guard against all kind of greed; a man's life does not consist in the abundance of his possessions." Luke 12:15
Bringing me to my last point: human nature. This is something we all share, so we are never alone with struggles in this area. A common wrong thought or forgotten truth is this: we all have the same nature. People idolize celebrities, criticize those with control of much power, critique those who stand and teach us, constantly elevate people and put them on pedals tools in our mind. If you have never done this, then you are inhuman. For me in this situation, I forgot that Jonathan and Moranda struggle with just as much sin as I do. In my head I would recognize that as truth but in reality it wasn't so solid. But the reality that everyone sins and falls short of the glory of God(Romans 3:23) came sliding into my mind. Everyone struggles, just on a different level or in a different area. That is why being in a body is so important, because the strengths and weaknesses combined are what makes it what it is.
Something that has been sitting in my thoughts recently is how we are innately human, so we cannot deny our human nature. But through Christs death on the cross, actively putting our faith in him as savior and receiving the holy spirit gives us a new birth. It means that we as children of God are no longer slaves to sin and the natural wickedness of our physical bodies. Our brokenness was covered with the healing love of Christ, allowing us to come in direct contact with the father. I say all of this to go back to my initial thoughts that it was natural for Jonathan to have fear when his daughter fell. But I was negating in my mind the importance, the necessity, to bring it immediately to God and seek his eternal perspective.
Yes, this was the moment in the day where we were all tempted to yield to our human natures instead of giving our feelings to God. Yes it was the moment of that Saturday where time stood still and our hearts stopped in knowing that things could go incredibly wrong. But it is the moment that taught me most about my brokenness and my need to constantly seek the overflowing love of the father. It was the moment that taught me the most and I will remember years later. It was the moment that held the most eternal purpose and glory.
"To you, O LORD, I lift my soul; in you I trust, O my God. Do not let me be pit to shame, nor let my enemies triumph over me. No one whose hope is in you will ever be put to shame, but they will be put to shame who ate treacherous without excuse." psalm 25:1-3
Lord, I thank you for your word and your truth. For being a sting fortress of where I can co dude rely put my trust. Be abuse of your infinite love and promise through the cross, my soul rests in your plan and constant leading of my life. God I ask that you continue to teach me what it looks like to fear you and not the world. Please remind me that your power always overcomes the schemes of this earth and that I am protected as your child. I thank you for your son and your want to see me avoid shame. Amen.
Friday, June 8, 2012
A Clear Moon
This week has been one of frustration in trying to get a good enough internet connection to have a full conversation with people from back home. But one irrelevant comment from a friend is a thought process that has stuck with me all week long. She was talking about how she was sitting on her front porch. As she went into detail, she described the warm weather, the clear sky and the bright moon. All of this brought me to a place of wishing I was at home. In a short moment, jelously of where she was at lingered to the surface of my mind. Immediately I recognized this as sin. Who was I to be wish I was somewhere else? I am in Argentina and am getting to serve the UBA students five days of th week. I raised a large sum of support and am being well taken care of in another culture. Looking at these and other blessing, there was no room for wishing to be anywhere else.
Revisting my thoughts about being on a comfortable porch looking up at a clear sky, I realized the want to be in a location that evoked feeling of home and cozyiness. Well that makes sense, human nature always craves what fulfilled it in the past when it struggling to put roots down. My human nature was seeking NC comfort, revealing many areas in which my mind was not relying on God. Not necesarily the most fun idea to think about and hash out, but the one that needed to be dealt with in the moment.
¨Who is wise and understanding among you? Let them show it by their good life, by deeds done in the humility that comes from wisdom. But if you harbor bitter envy and selfish ambition in your hearts, do not boast about it or deny the truth. Such “wisdom” does not come down from heaven but is earthly, unspiritual, demonic. 16 For where you have envy and selfish ambition, there you find disorder and every evil practice.¨ James 3:13-16
In my wanting to be somewhere else, the beginning of envy showed that I was not finding complete happiness in where I was at. Most people have heard that putting happiness into anything besides God is futile, it is a common truth. The funny thing about growing is that I continually am reminded of how the most obvious lessons in life are the ones that I encounter most.
When is the last time that you have thought about the envy in your life? It doesnt matter how long ago it was, everyone would agree that it was not fun. Envy as defined by dictionary.com: ¨a feeling of discontent or covetousness with regard to another's advantages, success, possessions, etc.¨ My discontentment in my current location showed how quickly my brain relies on the easiest and quickest responce. I had been missing home for a couple of days at that point so my brain thought immediately of how being there would make me happy. Fickle brain, you dont have my best interest at heart.
The thought process that did not come to the surface was the life lesson that the best lessons in life came from times of trial and perserverance. Any time in my life that I learned a fact to the fullest was when I had to rely on God with everything in me and stuck it out to see how he provided. This brings up how God is always faithful, which he continally proves when I allow him to willingly. When I fight and and act on my own will, my result is expierencing the consequences. When I dont fight and fall into the path of his will, the result always mirrors the truth that He is working in my life and continally molding me.
¨Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you. But when you ask, you must believe and not doubt, because the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. That person should not expect to receive anything from the Lord. Such a person is double-minded and unstable in all they do.¨James 1:2-8
Once truth has been identified it is a needed but guilt giving question: Why would I even be trying to put my happiness elsewhere then? Hello human nature, hello sin, hello reason that I naturally miss the mark.This is the beauty of grace and knowing that God has a greater plan than me. He knows that being in BA is teaching me more than I can imagine. That every morning I am faced with the choice to choose joy and let the trials of my day bring maturity or to let my human nature overrule and win. So not only knowing the truth will bring this process to completion, man I thought I had reached the conclusion.
Doesnt it always come to that? Everyone knows that procrastinating on that test would bring stress, but the night before most feel they are justified to complain and freak out. Eating more sugar and fat and excercising less is known to cause weight gain, but people always act like the world is against them when they have to cut out something and discipline their life. Just because we know the facts we often negate the reality that they bring about a false sense that the problem is now solved.
The source of our motivation is the binding factor. The only one that will gaurantee success if chosen correctly actually. That power source is the holy spirit that believers have acsess to through the blood of Christ, the blood that covered sin and alowed us to be in the presence of the father. What a beautiful truth.
Bringing it all together, when we ask God for wisdom he will come through. When we count all as joy and seek to live it out through the power of the holy spirit, we will not be tossed on the waves in the wind. As this thought process came to be, it put a correct light on my envy of sitting of a porch looking at a clear night. It put a correct view on the lessons that God is trying to teach me and that they are to be taught here in this big city. Wanting to be elsewhere or even dwelling on the idea of being home and then finding comfort does nothing but further my discontent and make the process of learning a particular lesson longer.
¨In the morning, Lord, you hear my voice; in the morning I lay my requests before you and wait expectantly. For you are not a God who is pleased with wickedness; with you, evil people are not welcome. The arrogant cannot stand in your presence. You hate all who do wrong; you destroy those who tell lies. The bloodthirsty and deceitful you, Lord, detest. But I, by your great love, can come into your house;in reverence I bow down toward your holy temple.¨Psalm 5:3-7
Lord, I thank you that everday I can come to you and bring you my requests. That you are patient and walk with me every step of the way. Instead of taking out wrath you provide every small step of the way. Teaching with a loving spirit and wanting to see me look more like your son at the end of each day. I praise you Lord and thank you for allowing me to see that true joy is finding contentment in where I am at. Continue to grow me in this area. I love you, Amen.
Revisting my thoughts about being on a comfortable porch looking up at a clear sky, I realized the want to be in a location that evoked feeling of home and cozyiness. Well that makes sense, human nature always craves what fulfilled it in the past when it struggling to put roots down. My human nature was seeking NC comfort, revealing many areas in which my mind was not relying on God. Not necesarily the most fun idea to think about and hash out, but the one that needed to be dealt with in the moment.
¨Who is wise and understanding among you? Let them show it by their good life, by deeds done in the humility that comes from wisdom. But if you harbor bitter envy and selfish ambition in your hearts, do not boast about it or deny the truth. Such “wisdom” does not come down from heaven but is earthly, unspiritual, demonic. 16 For where you have envy and selfish ambition, there you find disorder and every evil practice.¨ James 3:13-16
In my wanting to be somewhere else, the beginning of envy showed that I was not finding complete happiness in where I was at. Most people have heard that putting happiness into anything besides God is futile, it is a common truth. The funny thing about growing is that I continually am reminded of how the most obvious lessons in life are the ones that I encounter most.
When is the last time that you have thought about the envy in your life? It doesnt matter how long ago it was, everyone would agree that it was not fun. Envy as defined by dictionary.com: ¨a feeling of discontent or covetousness with regard to another's advantages, success, possessions, etc.¨ My discontentment in my current location showed how quickly my brain relies on the easiest and quickest responce. I had been missing home for a couple of days at that point so my brain thought immediately of how being there would make me happy. Fickle brain, you dont have my best interest at heart.
The thought process that did not come to the surface was the life lesson that the best lessons in life came from times of trial and perserverance. Any time in my life that I learned a fact to the fullest was when I had to rely on God with everything in me and stuck it out to see how he provided. This brings up how God is always faithful, which he continally proves when I allow him to willingly. When I fight and and act on my own will, my result is expierencing the consequences. When I dont fight and fall into the path of his will, the result always mirrors the truth that He is working in my life and continally molding me.
¨Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you. But when you ask, you must believe and not doubt, because the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. That person should not expect to receive anything from the Lord. Such a person is double-minded and unstable in all they do.¨James 1:2-8
Once truth has been identified it is a needed but guilt giving question: Why would I even be trying to put my happiness elsewhere then? Hello human nature, hello sin, hello reason that I naturally miss the mark.This is the beauty of grace and knowing that God has a greater plan than me. He knows that being in BA is teaching me more than I can imagine. That every morning I am faced with the choice to choose joy and let the trials of my day bring maturity or to let my human nature overrule and win. So not only knowing the truth will bring this process to completion, man I thought I had reached the conclusion.
Doesnt it always come to that? Everyone knows that procrastinating on that test would bring stress, but the night before most feel they are justified to complain and freak out. Eating more sugar and fat and excercising less is known to cause weight gain, but people always act like the world is against them when they have to cut out something and discipline their life. Just because we know the facts we often negate the reality that they bring about a false sense that the problem is now solved.
The source of our motivation is the binding factor. The only one that will gaurantee success if chosen correctly actually. That power source is the holy spirit that believers have acsess to through the blood of Christ, the blood that covered sin and alowed us to be in the presence of the father. What a beautiful truth.
Bringing it all together, when we ask God for wisdom he will come through. When we count all as joy and seek to live it out through the power of the holy spirit, we will not be tossed on the waves in the wind. As this thought process came to be, it put a correct light on my envy of sitting of a porch looking at a clear night. It put a correct view on the lessons that God is trying to teach me and that they are to be taught here in this big city. Wanting to be elsewhere or even dwelling on the idea of being home and then finding comfort does nothing but further my discontent and make the process of learning a particular lesson longer.
¨In the morning, Lord, you hear my voice; in the morning I lay my requests before you and wait expectantly. For you are not a God who is pleased with wickedness; with you, evil people are not welcome. The arrogant cannot stand in your presence. You hate all who do wrong; you destroy those who tell lies. The bloodthirsty and deceitful you, Lord, detest. But I, by your great love, can come into your house;in reverence I bow down toward your holy temple.¨Psalm 5:3-7
Lord, I thank you that everday I can come to you and bring you my requests. That you are patient and walk with me every step of the way. Instead of taking out wrath you provide every small step of the way. Teaching with a loving spirit and wanting to see me look more like your son at the end of each day. I praise you Lord and thank you for allowing me to see that true joy is finding contentment in where I am at. Continue to grow me in this area. I love you, Amen.
Thursday, June 7, 2012
Just a little Jake Owen
The other night I was more on the unhappy side. To be more specific, feeling lonely and unloved. I was in the beginning of my quiet time and during my prayer a Jake Owen song kept popping into my head and I couldn't understand why it would not go away. It was "Don't think I can't love you." So I decided I would just sing it a little. I ended up singing, "Girl I can't buy you a big diamond ring, no house on a hill full of lifes finer things. and i'll you right now there a whole lot that I just can't do. But baby don't think I can't love you." And as I kept singing this I realized God was telling me "I love you."
What a great God we have that come to us in the ways that he knows will touch our hearts. I always say if I had a man who would sing country music to me one day, I'd be one happy gal. And look at that, my heavenly father was pullin on my heart strings. A God who is beyone our comprehension sent his son to die on a cross for us, so that he would have a way to relate to us. So we would know that we would not have a high preist who could always symathize with us because he knows what it feels like. God knows that our minds are smaller and can only comprehend so much at a time.
I felt so special to know that He put that song in my head to make a point. That no matter where I am or how I feel, He is right there with me. That He loves me always and that He will go out of his way to make sure I feel that. So no I cannot physically touch or hold him in my hands, but God speaks right to my soul. He tells me that I am fearfully and wonderfully made and that He has a plan for my life. That even when I feel unloved or unlovable, He will go out of his way to put a song in my heart.
Thank you Lord for being a compassionate father who always takes care and provides for me. Thank you for sending your son to create a path that I could have a relationship with you. Thank you for always being there and never leaving me alone.
What a great God we have that come to us in the ways that he knows will touch our hearts. I always say if I had a man who would sing country music to me one day, I'd be one happy gal. And look at that, my heavenly father was pullin on my heart strings. A God who is beyone our comprehension sent his son to die on a cross for us, so that he would have a way to relate to us. So we would know that we would not have a high preist who could always symathize with us because he knows what it feels like. God knows that our minds are smaller and can only comprehend so much at a time.
I felt so special to know that He put that song in my head to make a point. That no matter where I am or how I feel, He is right there with me. That He loves me always and that He will go out of his way to make sure I feel that. So no I cannot physically touch or hold him in my hands, but God speaks right to my soul. He tells me that I am fearfully and wonderfully made and that He has a plan for my life. That even when I feel unloved or unlovable, He will go out of his way to put a song in my heart.
Thank you Lord for being a compassionate father who always takes care and provides for me. Thank you for sending your son to create a path that I could have a relationship with you. Thank you for always being there and never leaving me alone.
Tuesday, June 5, 2012
Week Three!!!
It's time for another informational post, get ready!!! Week three has been one roller coaster hill after the next. I always realize how much more went on during 7 days when I write it out. It is amazing how much time I feel like I never have but how much actually gets done. That is probaly because we have a master schedule and things always seem to work out better when they are on a timeline. The interesting part of having a time schedule in Argentina is that this culture is loose on time. When picking a meeting time, anywhere in a 2 hour time period is on time. The irony is something we laugh about every day. When we are late, we just say we are practicing the Argentine way!
Anyway, I'll start with Monday. Campus was super dead, not many students around. A couple of us had conversations, but mainly we just walked around and prayed. Tiredness was a theme for everyone in my team, which was quickly fought with some cafe con leche. The day was not memorable in any way big, but I got to learn more about my friend Megan. We were paired up that day and it was fun to get to know her better. Building friendships is one of my favorite things, so that was a positive that came out of that day. The group also wandered around trying to find a dinner place with options and we ended up at a place that sold pizza and empanadas. Suprise!!! Just what we have eaten for the last week. Argentina is not known for their food variety, but they are good at what they make. So we had to figure out how to order and what the system was. Then we ended up getting our food and the waiter said that the restruant attachted was not actually the same restraunt, that was slightly embarising. After that we had game night with the whole group of us. We played never have I ever with switching chairs, awkward fish bowl, and murder in the dark. If you know what those are, good for you. If you don't, the details are irrelevant.
Tuesday, man what a day. This is one of our late campus days, we get there around 3. It was suppposed to be our first english club and Tango was that night. We were all pumped and
Anyway, I'll start with Monday. Campus was super dead, not many students around. A couple of us had conversations, but mainly we just walked around and prayed. Tiredness was a theme for everyone in my team, which was quickly fought with some cafe con leche. The day was not memorable in any way big, but I got to learn more about my friend Megan. We were paired up that day and it was fun to get to know her better. Building friendships is one of my favorite things, so that was a positive that came out of that day. The group also wandered around trying to find a dinner place with options and we ended up at a place that sold pizza and empanadas. Suprise!!! Just what we have eaten for the last week. Argentina is not known for their food variety, but they are good at what they make. So we had to figure out how to order and what the system was. Then we ended up getting our food and the waiter said that the restruant attachted was not actually the same restraunt, that was slightly embarising. After that we had game night with the whole group of us. We played never have I ever with switching chairs, awkward fish bowl, and murder in the dark. If you know what those are, good for you. If you don't, the details are irrelevant.
Tuesday, man what a day. This is one of our late campus days, we get there around 3. It was suppposed to be our first english club and Tango was that night. We were all pumped and
Sunday, June 3, 2012
Frustrations
First I want to preface with some positives and then manuever into the more dreery subjects of it all. I am enjoying this trip on many levels, it has opened my eyes to many things I like and don't like about the American culture I'm used to. I had an understanding that this trip would be difficult, I had no misconceptions that it would be an expierence like none I'd ever had before. But that being said, frustrations follow. A small one would be learning a new keyboard. Just a little jump of joy that makes me really happy is the apostrophes in my words. Seems really small to most people, but that is a keyboard feet that has been figured out!
On a larger scale, this is a complete new culture and dialect of Spanish. Very few people are going to understand this on a personal level, but learning a new culture is draining. Add in a language barrier and a misconception of who people from the US are, it is a whole new level of learning. For example, looking at a menu and being completely lost is not a fun feeling. Shopping at the Disco(the food store) is a cultural learning adventure. It produces many funny stories and great looks from the Argentines, mainly fear for the first week. To end this uplifting paragraph, it is obvious we are from the United States by the way we dress and act, the English only gives it away more. That has been the part that has taken real time to get used to. At no point in this trip am I going to look like I fit in. At no point am I not going to be at a higher risk of robery because people assume I have nice things from the country I live in.
But all of this is totally ok, and something I have grown to live with. I have learned that I am proud of who I am, but not in an obnoxious way. Walking down the street and chanting USA is not a correct way to show pride in where I come from(I did not have to learn this by expeirence). In fact, it is totally ok to have multiple frustration in learning how to do daily life here. Learning every small thing have and will continue to be expierences that I cherish. Just today I walked into the bakery by our hotel and waited until my friend said I had to grab a number. The workers were already ready to make fun of me. Second blanked on my spanish and then walked to numerous wrong counters. I'm pretty sure the lady gave me the wrong change, but I was ready to be out. Frustrating in the moment but pretty darn funny to look back on. Pretty darn funny for my friend to laugh at me while it was happening in fact.
How would I sum up learning a new culture in one word? Humbling. Nothing I have learned has been of my own strength and accord, but on a grace giving God who takes care of me in situacions that are 95% laughable after they happen. It was foolish of me to ever thing that living here would come natural in 6 weeks. I"ve embraced the fact that every day brings a new challenge. Currently I am working on the fruit stand. What is the difference between those two oranges? Mmmm what did she just say to me? I think that that one has less pulp. . . Every day is a work in progress.
If anything, I have come to love having the excuse that I am clueless to most processes. When I am honest and open to the fact that I need help, I have found that people are more willing to help me. The people want me to learn so that in the future I don't look so much of a fool. When I exhibit a humble attitude the learning expierence becomes part of the adventure, not a negative factor of the trip. Laughing at myself has never been something I have struggled with, but it has become something that I have learned to do regularly as opposed to occasionaly.
My mother asked me today if the stress was overwhelming, I had to think about my answer for a little bit. But in all reality, the Lord has prepared me for every hardship that I have come in contact with. So many expierences from Chicago help me here ironically. Just being in a big city has helped me learn how to deal with trains, buses, with out constantly looking like a tourist. Even with the team that is here, they are all wonderful and super suportive. I feel like I've known them much longer than three weeks.
So has the trip brought frustration, yes plenty. But over that it has brought learning expierences I wouldn't trade for the world. Being in a place where I can only rely on the little conversational spanish I have and realizing that it always ends up ok reveals that I am being taken care of. I feel more blessed than anything, blessed to be humbled and seeing God provide every step of the way.
On a larger scale, this is a complete new culture and dialect of Spanish. Very few people are going to understand this on a personal level, but learning a new culture is draining. Add in a language barrier and a misconception of who people from the US are, it is a whole new level of learning. For example, looking at a menu and being completely lost is not a fun feeling. Shopping at the Disco(the food store) is a cultural learning adventure. It produces many funny stories and great looks from the Argentines, mainly fear for the first week. To end this uplifting paragraph, it is obvious we are from the United States by the way we dress and act, the English only gives it away more. That has been the part that has taken real time to get used to. At no point in this trip am I going to look like I fit in. At no point am I not going to be at a higher risk of robery because people assume I have nice things from the country I live in.
But all of this is totally ok, and something I have grown to live with. I have learned that I am proud of who I am, but not in an obnoxious way. Walking down the street and chanting USA is not a correct way to show pride in where I come from(I did not have to learn this by expeirence). In fact, it is totally ok to have multiple frustration in learning how to do daily life here. Learning every small thing have and will continue to be expierences that I cherish. Just today I walked into the bakery by our hotel and waited until my friend said I had to grab a number. The workers were already ready to make fun of me. Second blanked on my spanish and then walked to numerous wrong counters. I'm pretty sure the lady gave me the wrong change, but I was ready to be out. Frustrating in the moment but pretty darn funny to look back on. Pretty darn funny for my friend to laugh at me while it was happening in fact.
How would I sum up learning a new culture in one word? Humbling. Nothing I have learned has been of my own strength and accord, but on a grace giving God who takes care of me in situacions that are 95% laughable after they happen. It was foolish of me to ever thing that living here would come natural in 6 weeks. I"ve embraced the fact that every day brings a new challenge. Currently I am working on the fruit stand. What is the difference between those two oranges? Mmmm what did she just say to me? I think that that one has less pulp. . . Every day is a work in progress.
If anything, I have come to love having the excuse that I am clueless to most processes. When I am honest and open to the fact that I need help, I have found that people are more willing to help me. The people want me to learn so that in the future I don't look so much of a fool. When I exhibit a humble attitude the learning expierence becomes part of the adventure, not a negative factor of the trip. Laughing at myself has never been something I have struggled with, but it has become something that I have learned to do regularly as opposed to occasionaly.
My mother asked me today if the stress was overwhelming, I had to think about my answer for a little bit. But in all reality, the Lord has prepared me for every hardship that I have come in contact with. So many expierences from Chicago help me here ironically. Just being in a big city has helped me learn how to deal with trains, buses, with out constantly looking like a tourist. Even with the team that is here, they are all wonderful and super suportive. I feel like I've known them much longer than three weeks.
So has the trip brought frustration, yes plenty. But over that it has brought learning expierences I wouldn't trade for the world. Being in a place where I can only rely on the little conversational spanish I have and realizing that it always ends up ok reveals that I am being taken care of. I feel more blessed than anything, blessed to be humbled and seeing God provide every step of the way.
Friday, June 1, 2012
Semana Dos(Week Two)
A little late on writing this post and others. Better late than never, right? Before starting, I have a question: Did you know that Argetina uses a different keyboard? I am going to venture that most of you said no, well neither did I until I got here. So it is a little different typing and some things are out of my understanding currently. If you see anything that is funky, you know why.
This was our first full week on campus. Like I said I was on the Engeneering campus, which was new. This was an extremely frustrating week. For many reasons, but first off because everybody was learning each others personalities still and trying to work together. I dont know if this was just me, but some people approach getting to know people differently than I do. Not saying the way that they look at life is bad, just different. That was an aspect that was not so easy, but it causes us to grow in the end. One of my friends was cut and dry, she was extremely open and honest and if you were not interested in the reason she started the conversation then there was not going to be a long one. Another girl took time in explaining all the details to smallest bit. Both of these have positives and negavites: pointing to the idea that that is why humans were made to work together. One persons strong points will build anothers weak points.
As it is also the first time people have been on the campus, my team has the job of breaking in new ground. Which basically means that we have no prior knowledge of where students like to hang out, what they do for fun, what school looks like for them, if they speak English, ect. For the most part, the students do not understand the idea of going out with friends. They study a lot, A LOT! We asked what they do after class and a typical responce is go to the library, then go home and study more. On the weekends sometimes I see people, but generally I sleep and study. Today I talked to a girl who said that this campus was less popular because it was so difficult to study there. The students dont have time for a job outside of that and the teachers are extrememly demanding. Another important thing that we learned is that there is not a language department at this school. Well there is, but it is online and it cost money. So that means
that there are few students who know English.
Our team was exhausted by the end of the week, thankfully Friday was a national holiday. Technically it was memorial day weekend in the states, so it was extrememly weird to be celebrating another nations independce. It was great to see the Argentine pride in full colors and spirits but it was also scary at some points. Some background on the country is that they have expierienced a lot of political and economic turmoil. So they are very aware of the world and how things are working and have worked in the past. The largest student groups on campus are political. As we know, the United States has done little for Latin America and has a large head. So some of the ralleys and celbrations on that Friday were radically anti-estados unidos(usa).
Thursday was our second bible study and we finished testimonies(stories of how you came to know the Lord). And all I can say about that night is incredible things. Normally people time how long someone can share, but not my leaders. Everyone got to share, they called it windows to the soul or something like that. But we did highlights, hardtimes, hand of God and one other H. I think I have gone over it, but you get the point. Every girls story of course was hand crafted and encouraging but one in particular shined the light of God. This girls story was riddled with hard times, but she told her redemption story-tears and all- confidently and boldly. At the end of the night, I felt like I had known those girls for forever. Such a blessing!
On a more positive note, we went to a little area of town called Boca. This is where one of the major futbal(soccer) teams has their stadium. We were going to visit, but one of our team members felt bad. But the town area was one that historically was a litte rough. So one day a man decided to paint the houses bright colors and bring some life to the area. From that time on it was known as a merchant-tango-place to have fun. After that we went to another tiny market and got to see some homemade argentine products. That was fun because it was the first expierence that I got to see what the markets had to offer and what I would want to buy.
Saturday was a nacional conference sponsered by Campus Crudase called Vida Estudiante here. Josh McDowell spoke at the conference(all in terrible spanish) and it was called La Verdad Desnuda(The Naked Truth). The conference started at eight and ended sometime late that night. So I met the two boys that were also going at 6:20 for breakfast. We left before 7 to tackle the subte-collective(subway-bus) journey. This was the first time we were allowed to take public transportation all by ourselves. We got there and didnt get lost, praise the lord! Also, we ran into Stinters(a group of people who live in another country for a year, basically an extened summer project) from La Plata(another city about and hourish away). That helped us on the second half of our journey. We got there in time and it was at a seminary in a huge room. Never have a felt like such an obvious gringo(term for americans). It was awkard at first because I was at this conferenct on sex, relationships, and something else with two guys. But I ran into an Argentine in Vida name Maria Sol, what a beautiful name. So I had a female friend to share in the awk moments, whoo! Anyway I have never read a Josh Mcdowell book or heard him speak. Keeping this next part brief: there was very little personal connection with him but he had some great points. I will do a seperate blog that expounds what I learned. We were there until 5, and it was far from over. So there was alot of learning and translating in my head. On the way home though we passed a one pese Medialuna place(deliciosly cheap buttery sugary pastries), sooo goood!!! It is like describing Krispey Kreme to an Argentine, there are not words that translate. What a great day though, super long but filled with the lords grace.
Finally Ill end with Sunday because they start their calender on Monday. We went to a church where Josh Mcdowell spoke again, what an interesting man. But that was fun, the Argentines are so nice. The whole culture is open and warm, I have never expierenced anything like it. This was something that I will never forget. At the end, the pastor jumped in to sing the last song. Which might I add is something I love love love. If the pastor can sing and he shares in the worship, my heart melts. But as this pastor is singing about giving praise to the lord and confessing to him that he is not enough, he gets down on his knees and continues singing. The passion of this man blew me away. Kneeling-singing-confessing-leading his church in the ways to come to the father open and honest was a sight that will forever stay in my mind.
A week here feels like a month anywhere else. This is just the bare bones of my week, not even including what the Lord has been teaching me and how I have been growing in ways that I did not know would happen. I promise to include those posts, I promise that I will add more details about what specifically is happening each week. Now it is time to finish though. Ill end with a story about the whole group going to get takeout dinnner at a restruant here. Dinner to Argentines is from 9-11 or anywhere in between that. So our group of 25 at 7 is slightly annoying, but a lot of money. Well the chinese food restraunt landed on the annoying side. People waited an hour to get their food and that last four people got told the restraunt ran out of food. So many funny things have happened to us here. Until next time friends!!!
This was our first full week on campus. Like I said I was on the Engeneering campus, which was new. This was an extremely frustrating week. For many reasons, but first off because everybody was learning each others personalities still and trying to work together. I dont know if this was just me, but some people approach getting to know people differently than I do. Not saying the way that they look at life is bad, just different. That was an aspect that was not so easy, but it causes us to grow in the end. One of my friends was cut and dry, she was extremely open and honest and if you were not interested in the reason she started the conversation then there was not going to be a long one. Another girl took time in explaining all the details to smallest bit. Both of these have positives and negavites: pointing to the idea that that is why humans were made to work together. One persons strong points will build anothers weak points.
As it is also the first time people have been on the campus, my team has the job of breaking in new ground. Which basically means that we have no prior knowledge of where students like to hang out, what they do for fun, what school looks like for them, if they speak English, ect. For the most part, the students do not understand the idea of going out with friends. They study a lot, A LOT! We asked what they do after class and a typical responce is go to the library, then go home and study more. On the weekends sometimes I see people, but generally I sleep and study. Today I talked to a girl who said that this campus was less popular because it was so difficult to study there. The students dont have time for a job outside of that and the teachers are extrememly demanding. Another important thing that we learned is that there is not a language department at this school. Well there is, but it is online and it cost money. So that means
that there are few students who know English.
Our team was exhausted by the end of the week, thankfully Friday was a national holiday. Technically it was memorial day weekend in the states, so it was extrememly weird to be celebrating another nations independce. It was great to see the Argentine pride in full colors and spirits but it was also scary at some points. Some background on the country is that they have expierienced a lot of political and economic turmoil. So they are very aware of the world and how things are working and have worked in the past. The largest student groups on campus are political. As we know, the United States has done little for Latin America and has a large head. So some of the ralleys and celbrations on that Friday were radically anti-estados unidos(usa).
Thursday was our second bible study and we finished testimonies(stories of how you came to know the Lord). And all I can say about that night is incredible things. Normally people time how long someone can share, but not my leaders. Everyone got to share, they called it windows to the soul or something like that. But we did highlights, hardtimes, hand of God and one other H. I think I have gone over it, but you get the point. Every girls story of course was hand crafted and encouraging but one in particular shined the light of God. This girls story was riddled with hard times, but she told her redemption story-tears and all- confidently and boldly. At the end of the night, I felt like I had known those girls for forever. Such a blessing!
On a more positive note, we went to a little area of town called Boca. This is where one of the major futbal(soccer) teams has their stadium. We were going to visit, but one of our team members felt bad. But the town area was one that historically was a litte rough. So one day a man decided to paint the houses bright colors and bring some life to the area. From that time on it was known as a merchant-tango-place to have fun. After that we went to another tiny market and got to see some homemade argentine products. That was fun because it was the first expierence that I got to see what the markets had to offer and what I would want to buy.
Saturday was a nacional conference sponsered by Campus Crudase called Vida Estudiante here. Josh McDowell spoke at the conference(all in terrible spanish) and it was called La Verdad Desnuda(The Naked Truth). The conference started at eight and ended sometime late that night. So I met the two boys that were also going at 6:20 for breakfast. We left before 7 to tackle the subte-collective(subway-bus) journey. This was the first time we were allowed to take public transportation all by ourselves. We got there and didnt get lost, praise the lord! Also, we ran into Stinters(a group of people who live in another country for a year, basically an extened summer project) from La Plata(another city about and hourish away). That helped us on the second half of our journey. We got there in time and it was at a seminary in a huge room. Never have a felt like such an obvious gringo(term for americans). It was awkard at first because I was at this conferenct on sex, relationships, and something else with two guys. But I ran into an Argentine in Vida name Maria Sol, what a beautiful name. So I had a female friend to share in the awk moments, whoo! Anyway I have never read a Josh Mcdowell book or heard him speak. Keeping this next part brief: there was very little personal connection with him but he had some great points. I will do a seperate blog that expounds what I learned. We were there until 5, and it was far from over. So there was alot of learning and translating in my head. On the way home though we passed a one pese Medialuna place(deliciosly cheap buttery sugary pastries), sooo goood!!! It is like describing Krispey Kreme to an Argentine, there are not words that translate. What a great day though, super long but filled with the lords grace.
Finally Ill end with Sunday because they start their calender on Monday. We went to a church where Josh Mcdowell spoke again, what an interesting man. But that was fun, the Argentines are so nice. The whole culture is open and warm, I have never expierenced anything like it. This was something that I will never forget. At the end, the pastor jumped in to sing the last song. Which might I add is something I love love love. If the pastor can sing and he shares in the worship, my heart melts. But as this pastor is singing about giving praise to the lord and confessing to him that he is not enough, he gets down on his knees and continues singing. The passion of this man blew me away. Kneeling-singing-confessing-leading his church in the ways to come to the father open and honest was a sight that will forever stay in my mind.
A week here feels like a month anywhere else. This is just the bare bones of my week, not even including what the Lord has been teaching me and how I have been growing in ways that I did not know would happen. I promise to include those posts, I promise that I will add more details about what specifically is happening each week. Now it is time to finish though. Ill end with a story about the whole group going to get takeout dinnner at a restruant here. Dinner to Argentines is from 9-11 or anywhere in between that. So our group of 25 at 7 is slightly annoying, but a lot of money. Well the chinese food restraunt landed on the annoying side. People waited an hour to get their food and that last four people got told the restraunt ran out of food. So many funny things have happened to us here. Until next time friends!!!
Monday, May 21, 2012
Thoughts on Week 1
So it has been exactly one week that I have been in Argentina!! It took a plane ride from Raleigh to Atlanta then a ten hour plane ride to Buenos Aires. After that we went throught the passport line and customs line. With 31 people, the process took a little longer. It was also a new expierence traveling internationally, very overwhelming. Immediately we met the Stinters(people who live here for a year or two) and figured buses out. To sum it all up, it was hectic and to much to take in.
Project is staying in a hotel, I have three roomates from SC and TN. It is in the middle of downtown, near public transporatation and a restraunt we requent called Scuzi. But all of these details are unimportant compared to the big picture of why we are here. As a project, our vision is to reach students on campus and build relationship with them. Also in this, reaching people who will continue on and carry our vision once we leave. This has been difficult in the past, so we hope our team can do better at building sustainable relationships.
All of that being said, I want to talk about the first week some to put some background in. The second day we were here we walked around the city some and practiced some safety things. Here, they wear their backpacks on their front so that people cannot rob them. Riding trains and buses is never a comfortable expierence because there are so many people on them. Walking aruond in large groups you have to be careful about how loud you are. Stuff like that, and then we went to an Asado. This is like a barbeque but with a variety of beef and some chicken. It is a dinner where the beef is brought out tray by tray until you are full. There was also salad at ours, but generally bread is the only accomplanyment.
The third day there was some more breifing time where we went of social behavior and history of Argentina. This was a learning expierence because the people hold onto their past. They internalize the events and it becomes a part of who they are. In America, the population often does not value the history and finds their patriatism in sports and other activities. After that we went and got transit cards, I include this because it feels so unreal to me. I have a subte carta and I use it everyday. How incredible this expereince is!
The group went to Cuidad Universidad in the middle of the week. We met the Argentine students there and paired up with them to go sharing. This was a new expierence because 60,000 students is a low rough estimate of the size of the student body. Sharing, which was going and asking student about their life and how they got to where they are, was an awesome expeirence. The students were so willing to share their stories and their culture with us. They wanted to include us and get to know us as well. Even the other students in Vida Estudiante(what Cru is called here) were so excited to build friendships with us. That day was a gift. Four students ended up accepting Christ that day, but the biggest accomplishment was seeing the team work as a group in traveling and supporting one another for the first time.
The whole expierence has taught me so much already. That I can only rely on God, He is the only source that will bring me through. I am in a different country, getting used to Castello(the dialect of Spanish), traveling in large packs of gringos(term for Americans), all while totally clueless. He has kept us safe and held me close everyday. It is easy to get frustrated and annoyed at the situacions I am not used to or push my envelope a little bit. It is easy to want to give up already and say this is a little to hard to take. In reality none of that is true. Frustration comes from trying to control my own life plan and getting upset when it doesn´t work out how I wanted it to. Annoyance comes from not finding joy in all situacions handed to me. Yes, this expierence is hard, but in no way is it something to complain about. It is a blessing to come and talk to people and learn their culture. It is a blessing to be on a team with strangers and see how we become more like a family everday.
As I am in the word and I am seeing what faith being put into action looks like, I would choose no other life plan. There are many other choices that are much easier and many paths that would bring me to crossroad where I could look my own strenght. But what is the point in that, where is the growth? Currently this spanish keyboard is making typing this difficult, but what a learning expierence to figure it out.
Sunday, May 13, 2012
The Time has Come!!!
So today is the day!!! I leave for Raleigh in eight hours, then lots of time in the airport and other airports and then I don't know what. This is a super exciting opportunity, currently I am nervous though. This is not generally something I encounter, extreme nervousness is flowing. Many things could be the cause of this. The biggest one could be the fact that my life is going to be in a different country and I have no clue what that looks like at all. The second could be thoughts back to Chicago. An old friend of mine and I watched The Vow today, which was filmed in Chi-town, and it brought back memories of last summer.
Quick flashback time, almost about a year ago my mother dropped me off at Charlotte Douglass Airport and I was excited EXCITED!! I was super late, so it was crunch time. My bag was somehow under 50 pounds and the line wasn't too long to get through security. I looked at my mom and just started crying, in the airport-in public. We part ways and I'm standing in the line crying, what a cute moment. But anyways I make it through by myself and the journey was started. I say all this because tomorrow the same scene will most likely occur. But most of the team will be there and crying will not be a way I want to start this summer.
Whaaaaaa!!! It's today, I can't get it through my mind. Six weeks in Argentina, six weeks in Buenos Aires, six weeks in another country: it can't be reality! Out of human nature, my mind wants to travel back to the familiar and find a place from last summer to figure out some of the discomfort and not knowing. That is not my place though, to know all and understand why things happen the way they do. A friend said to me today, "If I don' give God all my situations, I am not trusting Him."My thoughts are not coming together, to many emotions mixed with uncertainty.
But please be praying for safe travels for the team and a solid first beginning, whatever that means. Thank you for everyone who is going on this journey with me, I greatly appreciate it!!! Next time I write to you I will be in South America, ohhhh myyy!!!!
Friday, May 11, 2012
Truths That Can't Be Avoided
Three Days away and I'm still running away from the concept that project is going to rock my world. See, this year I pumped people up for Chicago and told them of how God was going to strip them to the basics, but ignored the face that I was speaking to myself as well. Ignoring the fact that I was going to have to be honest with people and open up, but first be honest with God and let him into all those closed cabinets where the cockroaches grow. The cockroaches in this analogy being sin. Scary thoughts to admit to myself, much less the cyberworld.
Another factor into all of this is complacency. An idea that mediocrity or even failure is acceptable, it is just a part of the life I am meant to live. Which is a major lie, but I'll come back to that point later on. Complacency is a major struggle I am dealing with right now. Coming of my sixth semester in college, my grades did not reflect what I am capable of. My grades did not one thing to glorify God and thank him for the blessing that ECU or the chance of education plays into my life. Yes, there were many positives to my semester. I learned how to be joyous and rely and his strength to keep moving. I did not let the world overwhelm me or keep me on the ground. But, falling in line with complacency, I did not work at all I was doing for the Lord and I did not let his light shine through my struggles. Yes, there was progress but there is still a massive amount of unattended sin that needs to be dealt with. In classic human fashion, I said this is who I am going to be and did not do so at school. This point leads me into the lie I am believing: that my human nature determines the life I am going to life. That my problem is bigger than my solution. I am going to fail God, I am only going to be human. As his child though, I am covered by the blood of Christ: I am made a conqueror of sin. I am called to fight every struggle I am given the hardest I can because I know that Jesus already won the victory for me. That doesn't mean that there is not going to be a battle to go through and see the glory of God in proper light to the wretchedness of people, but it means that letting the battle define me is allowing my sin to win. I let the battle of complacency win this semester, I got in over my head and I said, "OK, you take the wheel complacency." Some may be confused because earlier I said I learned how to rely on the Lord for strength everyday. That is true, I relied on him to get me through every situation and moment where I knew I could not do so. Did I give him control, did I give it all to him though? No, I held on the part that I wanted to do without his help. So my bus did not crash because it had an infinite source driving it, but it is now in the wrong part of town because I followed my own plan.
First let me say that I have been praying for the Lord to reveal to me what I needed to be preparing for on project. I have also been avoiding my bible because I have been afraid of what he was going to tell me. So here it is, three days to start looking at the idea of complacency. It is time to start fighting again, it is time to take some names and get a little roughed up for the sake of defeating my own human nature and sin. I am not called to be of this world, just live in it. I am not called to be a failure or mediocrity: I am called to be a victor in Christ. I am called to shine the light of the one who redeemed me, and that come with hard work. That comes with and open heart. It comes with a soul ready to be taught. It comes when I am ready to fight to sit at the feet of Christ daily and yield to his plan, when I am ready to give him the wheel and say take me where you need me.
I may not be ready for Argentina, but God sure has me in his hands. So bring on the purification. Empty me so I can be filled again!
Wednesday, May 9, 2012
Well I leave for Beunos Aires in 5 days. It is so close, it is so unreal. I will be living in Argentina for six weeks. AHHH! That is how I feel specifically. Anyways, I am creating this blog to keep people updates on the happenings of the trip and the work that is being completed. The trip is with Cru(campus crusade for christ) and it is called Summer Project. Summer projects are 2-12 weeks trips that happen globally every summer. Last summer I attended Chicago Summer Project for 10 weeks. Here is a snippet from my support letter that explains what Cru means to me and what it has taught me in the past year.
"One of the student organizations I have been involved with is Cru, a campus ministry. Through Cru I have been trained and equipped in sharing my faith, and growing in my own walk with God. I engage weekly in community, worship, bible study, large group meetings, discipleship and pouring into women’s ministries on campus. In 2011, God has done incredible things in and through me. I began leading our weekly campus prayer meeting, which has been a great honor and learning experience. Other opportunities that allowed me to grow and serve were Big Break in Panama City Beach Florida, as well as ten week stateside summer project in Chicago. I want to encourage you to please look at my blog that has a few detailed entries on what I learned in the Windy City at, http://purpleandgoldpirate.blogspot.com/. Quickly, these are some of the major themes that transformed my views on God and how he looks at me: I am beautifully created in his image, because of the cross I can come to his feet and lay even the smallest troubles down, community was created to love and allow others to love you, and that He is a faithful provider and will never let you go or give you something without a way to handle it. Coming back to campus this has been strengthened with a Christmas conference and women’s retreat. God has given me a heart of compassion to reach the lost and unsaved, beginning here on my own campus."
Ok back to Argentina, which I have spelled wrong about 10 times writing this already. I am headed there with about thirty people who I briefly met. They all live in the SE region of the United States and attend colleges in this region too. This is a fact that is wonderfully exciting. Last summer I was on project with people from Ohio State, Michigan State, Indiana University, and more. Great memories, but seeing the friends I made is rare or nonexistent because of the distance. So living and traveling with people from my own neck of the woods is a details I am looking forward to. Also my major is Spanish, Hispanic Studies to sound fancy, so I have a heart for the Hispanic culture. Plus I can practice my Spanish, which is greatly needed.
Finishing this up, I want this blog to be a regular outlet that informs the people who supported me or who are interested in the progress of my trip to be able to keep up. Technology has allowed for so many neat tools, including electric journaling. So "Hello!" to anyone reading, thank you for traveling this journey with me!
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